Friday, July 29, 2011

The 10 worst skits/storylines/matches of the PG era

The WWE PG era, despite the increase in quality over the last month's worth of shows, maintains a bad reputation amongst online wrestling fans, in which one of the reasons is a multitude of skits, storylines, and matches that are so bad that you don't want anybody you know who isn't a fan to find out that you watch wrestling. These skits represent every negative stereotype of pro wrestling (stupid, fake, etc.), hence why they're listed.

10. Hornswoggle/McMahon Kiss My Ass Club- On February 4, 2008, the top of the hour segment featured Hornswoggle being entered into the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club. This segment lasted almost 15 minutes with Mr. McMahon in the ring with his pants pulled down to reveal his pink underwear, and yelling at Hornswoggle to kiss his ass constantly. In the end, Hornswoggle BITES McMahon's ass, which results in Hornswoggle vs. Vince in a cage match for the next show. One of the worst segments in the McMahon illegitimate son storyline.

9. Hornswoggle is named Mr. McMahon's illegitimate son- The Vince McMahon illegitimate son storyline was the WWE's second attempt at a major storyline for the summer months in 2007. Their first attempt was "who blew up Vince's limo?" where Vince died storyline-wise, but was scrapped when the Benoit tragedy occurred. While this storyline on paper is pretty lame as it's the typical soap opera storyline, the original plan was for Mr. Kennedy to be the illegitimate son, which I was looking forward to as Kennedy had lots of momentum on Smackdown for several months, and even won the Money In The Bank briefcase, at Wrestlemania 23 before getting injured and losing the briefcase a month later (which I still don't get because the storyline was that he'd cash it in at Wrestlemania 24, which he returned WAY before). Then, his name was listed with a bunch of other wrestlers on a list of performers who purchased steroids from an online pharmacy, and was suspended for violating WWE's wellness policy as a result. For a storyline that was designed to boost a fresh talent to main event status, did they replace him with another wrestler with main event potential? Nope, Hornswoggle was named Vince's son on September 10, 2007. This resulted in months of lame comedy and the BIG payoff for this angle was Finlay (who was then revealed to be Hornswoggle's real father, making the whole thing pointless) vs. JBL at Wrestlemania 24. Nobody benefitted from this storyline at all.

8. McMahon/Kroenke confrontation- On May 25, 2009, Raw took place in the Staples Center. It was originally scheduled to be in the Pepsi Center but the Denver Nuggets had a home game in the Western Conference Finals against the Los Angeles Lakers, and obviously Vince McMahon had to book Raw in another building. To stick it to Stan Kroenke, he books Raw at the Staples Center, the home of the Lakers. In the opening segment, he had a confrontation with "Stan Kroenke", the first of two parody celebrity appearances (Jack Nicholson being the other). In the segment, Vince humiliates "Kroenke" after noticing that his middle initial was "E", which stood for "enis", which of course rhymed with "penis". Yeah. And in the main event, he booked the "Lakers" vs. "Nuggets" in a 5 on 5 tag match main event (Lakers were babyfaces while the Nuggets were heels), with the wrestlers on each "team" wearing the team jersey with their ring names on the back. Unsurprisingly, the "Lakers" won. Vince put in so much effort to make Stan Kroenke look bad but ended up coming off completely childish with all the juvenile jokes and booking the "Nuggets" to lose in the main event. All of this when the Extreme Rules PPV was only two weeks away, yet there was little to no build for it because of Vince's need for revenge. This should have been the worst, but there are SO many skits on this list that feature plots that shouldn't even be on live TV!

7. Tiger gets chased on Raw with a golf club- No, not the actual Tiger Woods, but a guy in a tiger suit, who got chased by a random girl with a golf club in her hand, and tiger growls played on the speakers when the tiger was chased in the ring during the opening segment. If this was WWE's attempt at being clever, they failed badly here.

6. Little People's Court- I'm sure you're a bit surprised that this isn't being ranked higher (or lower) but there are actually worse skits than this. On December 21, 2009, HHH and HBK are sent to "Little People's Court" for refusing to let Hornswoggle join DX. "Little People's Court" took place UNDER THE RING, which is depicted as a place where midgets live. None of the midgets speak English there, and Hornswoggle was actually the judge. No verdict was made but HHH and HBK get chased out by a swarm of midgets. Later on in the show, in the main event, Hornswoggle becomes the new mascot for DX.

5. Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero Bullrope Match- On August 31, 2009, Raw guest host Dusty Rhodes continues the infamous Hornswoggle/Chavo series by booking them in a bullrope match. However, Chavo had to dress up in a cow outfit for the match, with a cow head on, which caused him to not be able to see throughout the match, making him very clumsy throughout. Anyway, their usual match with Hornswoggle winning. The less said about this, the better.

4. Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero Tuxedo AKA Sharp Dressed Man Match- On July 20, 2009, Raw guest hosts ZZ Top continued the infamous Hornswoggle/Chavo Guerrero series by booking them in a tuxedo match called a Sharp Dressed Man match, a play off of one of their biggest hits. If the concept of the match itself wasn't stupid enough, when Chavo comes out, his pant legs are sewed down to his ankles so he'd waddle like a penguin. As for the match, it was their typical match with Hornswoggle winning by stripping Chavo to his boxers. I have no idea what the point of this series was unless it was to make sure nobody took Chavo seriously again, as it's pointless to give a midget a big push because nobody would take him seriously as a champion of any division.

3. The Jerry Springer Show- On February 15, 2010, Jerry Springer was the guest host of Raw. In the top of the hour segment, he has his own version of the Jerry Springer show in the ring. The storyline for this segment was that Kelly Kelly became pregnant with Chris Masters' baby, and Eve Torres, Chris Masters' manager at the time, got mad as a result and teased a catfight with Kelly, and also the Bella Twins came out so that Nikki could mention that Brie was a man. Yeah. And the end result? All the people in the segment played a practical joke on Jerry and that none of the things mentioned were true. That means that all the 20 minutes of stupidity in the segment served no purpose whatsoever.

2. Hornswoggle blows up Coach- The worst part about that this skit is that it was built up throughout the show. On October 15, 2007, Coach chases Hornswoggle backstage throughout the show, and they eventually make their way to the ring, when Hornswoggle hides under the ring. Coach looks under the ring for him, can't find him, but finds an explosive device. He uses it to try and blow up Hornswoggle, but it doesn't work. Coach goes under the ring to find out why it isn't working, and Hornswoggle comes out, and unsurprisingly, it works for him and Coach is blown up on live TV with VERY lame special effects added. Just because you're targeting kids, it doesn't mean it's okay to copy stuff from cartoons and expect it to work on live TV.

1. Hornswoggle goes through the wall- If you thought that Hornswoggle blowing up Coach under the ring was as bad as it got, well, you're wrong. In this skit on November 26, 2007, Carlito is bullying Hornswoggle backstage. Hornswoggle, cornered by Carlito, spray paints a hole in the wall. If that wasn't dumb enough, he actually goes through it successfully. Carlito, seeing how Hornswoggle got away, tries to go through the hole himself, but ends up hitting his head on the wall. Ron Simmons shows up afterwards to say "Damn!" while Carlito's in pain on the floor. Wrestling may be scripted, but that doesn't mean it's a good idea to write skits that only make sense in your typical Road Runner/Wile E. Coyote Looney Tunes sketch onto the show.

Any one of these nominations have a case for the number 1 spot, though it's very hard to top going through a spraypainted hole in the wall. Thankfully segments like these rarely happen at all anymore.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Why TNA/Impact Wrestling is having issues creating new stars

Over its nine year history, TNA Wrestling has had a huge difficulty when it comes creating their own stars. The problem is not the hiring of ex WWE/WCW/ECW stars (the vast majority of them were good signings with the likes of Orlando Jordan being the minority as most either were main eventers in their former promotions or had untapped potential) or the "TNA guys" not being main event material (AJ Styles, Pope, and Bobby Roode definitely are as is a motivated Samoa Joe, while James Storm could also make a good main eventer as well). There are two major reasons as to why TNA/Impact Wrestling's lack of fresh, homegrown main eventers and major growth as well.

Not using the WWE/WCW/ECW veterans properly- Having the likes of Kurt Angle, Sting, Rob Van Dam, Bully Ray, and Hulk Hogan around is definitely a good thing, as four out of the five are still capable of putting on a solid wrestling match in 2011, and the one who isn't capable is one of the biggest draws in pro wrestling history, which gives the younger talent someone to ask for advice in terms of cutting promos and how to connect with the crowd. However, Angle is the only one out of the five that is being used properly. While he's had his share of world title reigns in TNA, he's deserved them by being a top 5 performer throughout his five year run and doing whatever they've asked him to do. In those five years, he's put over Jay Lethal, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, and Mr. Anderson to name a few while consistently putting on great matches in the process. Meanwhile, RVD was rushed to the TNA title one month after he debuted, only to have a long title reign that featured some ho-hum performances and ended when TNA noticed that the amount of appearances on his contract were running low, which resulted in him losing the belt in an injury angle. Bully Ray has been a pleasant surprise in his single run this year, but he still isn't main event material, and winning a feud over AJ Styles in a LAST MAN STANDING match is a very bad booking decision on TNA's part. Sting lost the title to AJ Styles two years ago in what was supposed to be his retirement, but since then he's returned twice and has won the world title twice, despite being over 50 years old. And Hulk Hogan's been feuding with Sting throughout the summer, which has resulted in many fans predicting Hogan vs. Sting to take place at Bound For Glory, despite Hogan not being able to do the leg drop anymore, much less wrestle a match. I respect the veterans for what they've accomplished, but it's not good for 40-50 year olds to be the main focus of a wrestling promotion.

Lack of a hierarchy outside of the veterans- If you've watched TNA from 2007 until now, you'd notice this, and it's been even more apparent since the Hogan/Bischoff era began. The likes of Angle, Sting, and RVD have consistently been in the title picture since they arrived in TNA, yet whenever a younger wrestler gains momentum, they always get depushed for some reason. Here are some examples:

AJ Styles- Feuded with Joe and Daniels for the X Division title in classic matches, teams with Daniels and have an epic feud with LAX over the tag titles, then turns heel, becomes Christian's lackey, teams with Tomko, then turns into Prince AJ, marries Karen Angle ON ACCIDENT, then turns babyface and eventually winning the world title, then turns heel and acts like Ric Flair, loses the title to RVD on Impact one month after he debuted with NO BUILD, feuds with Tommy Dreamer, then turns babyface again to lead Fourtune against Immortal, only to lose to Matt Hardy, Tommy Dreamer (a week or so before he left the company), Gunner, and Bully Ray during this year alone.

Christopher Daniels- Feuded with Joe and AJ for the X Division title in classic matches, teams with AJ and have an epic feud with LAX over the tag titles, turns heel only to lose to Sting in six minutes on PPV, then reforms Triple X before getting "fired", returns and main events two consecutive PPVs against AJ Styles (and Samoa Joe for the first one), then jobs to Val Venis at the next PPV, gets SQUASHED by Kurt Angle, gets released, and has returned once again to be a part of Fourtune.

Samoa Joe- Debuts with a year and a half long undefeated streak, loses his streak to Kurt Angle by SUBMISSION, feuds with Angle for all the gold and loses in a swerve everyone saw coming, wins title, gets mntored by Kevin Nash, loses title to Sting, dons facepaint, PJs, and a MACHETE as the one man Nation Of Violence, takes out the Main Event Mafia only to hand Angle the title and join MEM, is mentored by Taz, feuds with AJ Styles for the world title and loses at the PPV only to lose to ORLANDO JORDAN and get kidnapped by ninjas at the next taping, reappears months later without any mention of the kidnapping to become a jobber and have a pointless feud with Pope.

Pope- Debuts as heel, then turns face and gains A LOT of momentum, wins 8 Card Stud tourney, loses title match, returns after injury to feud with Abyss, then turns heel to have a pointless feud with Joe and a feud with Devon.

Abyss- Monster heel who had excellent hardcore matches with the likes of Sabu and Rhino, wins title by disqualification, then starts talking, feuds with Judas Mesias in a ripoff of the Undertaker/Kane/Paul Bearer storyline, disappears, then becomes a mental patient, has a girlfriend, starts clapping his hands, then is given Hulk Hogan's WWE Hall Of Fame Ring and becomes "immortal" as a result while having Hogan's WCW theme as his ring music, then turns heel and brands people backstage.

Matt Morgan- Debuts as Cornette's assistant, then feuds with Abyss, then feuds with Kurt Angle, teams with Hernandez, then turns on him, then becomes Fourtune's muscle, then jobs to Brian Kendrick, then turns on Fourtune because he was against them giving Anderson a concussion, then feuds with Hernandez again, and feuds with Scott Steiner.

No consistency whatsoever. One thing I've noticed is that whenever these wrestlers reached their peak, they lost all of their momentum and then struggle to get it all back. That is six guys that they either failed to pull the trigger on or did pull the trigger on, only to do something unbelievably stupid to their characters afterwards. AJ's easily been used the best out of all of the ones I listed and thus would be the only one that would make a credible main eventer if all the veterans retired tomorrow. WWE faced a similar issue recently, and have stepped up their game by giving Christian a real title reign (not a 5 day title reign or a WWECW title reign), gave CM Punk the title and two clean wins over John Cena this year after not winning a single PPV match for an entire year, and are building Sheamus, Daniel Bryan, and Alberto Del Rio slowly rather than rushing them (a reason why Sheamus' two title reigns last year were not very strong). TNA needs to choose some guys to get behind, stick with them, and not get cold feet if the fans react strongly to them (or lose focus on them whenever a veteran from another promotion debuts). They've been pushing Crimson and Gunner very hard over the last few months with Crimson having an undefeated streak and Gunner being a former TV champion while having wins over Sting, Mr. Anderson, and AJ Styles already, though they've yet to catch on with the fans and have yet to have a standout match. At least TNA is showing signs of how to push young talent correctly lately, regardless if those two are the right choices or not, though there is still the chance that they'll screw it up like they often do.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

WWE PG- Compelling?

For the last three years, the current PG era of the WWE has been associated with things such as neglecting to take risks, lame toilet humor, an overemphasis on Hollywood with guest celebrities as hosts of Raw, talented wrestlers losing to midgets in embarrassingly bad gimmick matches for several weeks straight, the same people in the main event every month, among other things. Given the success of the Attitude era of the late 90s-early 2000s, a period in which the storylines were very adult-oriented in nature and featured two of the biggest stars in company history in The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin that was many fans' first taste of televised pro wrestling, it would be only natural for them to think that PG is what's prohibiting WWE from being as good as it can be. That is definitely not the case, as shown by the last few weeks of WWE, especially on Raw. The storyline involving CM Punk that's gone on since late June has been nothing short of brilliant. In the months leading up to the promo that started it all, CM Punk's contract issues were a major fixture in the news. Punk was hesitant in signing a new contract due to how he was used since his last World title reign in 2009, putting over every babyface thrown at him such as Rey Mysterio, Big Show, and Randy Orton, as well as getting squashed by John Cena and Undertaker in a couple TV matches, while not being able to buy a PPV win, and wanting to maintain control over his name, which he's used throughout his wrestling career. In June, things started to look up when he defeated Rey Mysterio at the Capital Punishment PPV and pinned John Cena in a non-title match on Raw before the PPV. He became the #1 contender to the WWE championship one June 20, one day after Capital Punishment.

On June 27, Punk cut what is considered to be one of the best promos ever since the Attitude era. In that promo, he mentioned his contract issues and stated that his contract would be up on July 18, one day after the Money In The Bank PPV, criticized WWE at several points, such as saying that he's the best wrestler in the company and has proven that, yet doesn't get half the promotion Cena gets, how Cena's only better at one thing than he is (asskissing), and how WWE should be better with Vince dead except that it would be taken over by his doofus son in law (HHH), mentions the names of people who are no longer with the company such as Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar, the Vice President of talent relations John Laurinaitis, ex-WWE wrestler Colt Cabana who wrestled for a short time as Scotty Goldman, the independent promotion Ring Of Honor, which is the company that put him on the map before he signed with WWE, and New Japan Pro Wrestling. His mic got cut off afterwards and he got suspended after the show. A LOT of the things he said are things that any fan who doesn't follow the online dirtsheets wouldn't have a single clue about, and all those statements along with the WWE bashing, cut off of the mic, and suspension made everything seem so real. It made you HAVE to tune in next week to see what was going to happen. The next week Cena would threaten to walk out if Punk wasn't reinstated into the company, and out of fear of losing his top star, Vince McMahon reinstated Punk and allowed the PPV match to happen, but if Punk left MITB with the belt he'd be fired. It created many different possible outcomes, most of which were very compelling, such as Cena turning heel and aligning with Vince in order to save his job, Punk winning the title, only to lose the title to whoever cashed in their MITB briefcase, and the big one with Punk winning the title and leaving with the belt. It made you want to buy the PPV to see what was going to happen. At MITB, Punk actually won clean over Cena and escaped a MITB cash-in from Alberto Del Rio to leave with the title, making you need to tune in to Raw to see what would happen next.

All of that content is within the realm of PG. When WWE wants to, they can still put on VERY good programming that makes you want to shell out money for their PPVs. They just don't most of the time because there isn't any major competition out there, unlike the late 90s when WCW was around. When there's no challenge, it can be very hard to stay motivated, and most fans are disappointed with WWE for that reason, beause they have the talent and the ability to be much better than they have been since they purchased WCW. It has nothing to do with PG at all. The last few weeks have been VERY compelling while falling under the PG rating.